10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
by Eddie Corbano
Nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so? What are the common reasons to break up in those long distance relationships and how can you make them work?
To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.
The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.
So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.
Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.
Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:
- You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
- You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
- At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.
Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.
In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing. At least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.
Then again that makes the meetings so much more intense then they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.
Long distance relationships can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.
Of course, there is also a very important condition without an long distant relationship can not work:
You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.
Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:
My Recommendation For Further Reading:
- The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide - Secrets From Successful Couples Who Have Gone The Distance
- Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide - Proven Strategies For Building And Maintaining A Successful LDR
5 Must-See Related Posts:
About The Author:
Eddie Corbano is Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach and relationship-advisor who himself suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on March 21st, 2007)
Show all posts by Eddie Corbano
222 Responses to “10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work”
SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL
Blog Sponsors
Recommendations
- Affirmations Made Easy
- Have The Relationship You Want
- Learn How To Approach Women… From A Woman
- Learn How To Deal With Women
- The 10 Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU Probably Make With Men
- The Ultimate Romantic Idea
- Top 10 Books That Changed My Life
Categories
Search
Newsletters
Recent Comments:
Angelica- thank you for your support. Tim called me 2 days ago. He asked me how I was and what I was doing? I said I’m working & I’m fine. Good...
HOLLY | July 3, 2009 | more»
@Holly - Glad to see you’re hanging tough, Holly! Keep it up! It’s hard but worth it.
Angelica | July 3, 2009 | more»
@Holly - We split up because she turned around one day and said she didn’t love me; I’m shattered, all over the place and the very prospect of not...
Dale | July 2, 2009 | more»
Dear Eddie, I am 20 years old.I read the posts above and realised that I do need to focus on my life goals and accept that I am the cause of my own unhapiness....
Kari | July 2, 2009 | more»
I love your website 
It’s recently brought me a lot of insight with my parents divorce after being married 28 years, and most recently my own break up from...
Abbie | July 1, 2009 | more»
hi, i can say my relationship with my boyfriend is very much complicated. We’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now but he had an arranged marriage to his cousin 3months ago. When i learned about it, nothin can describe how much ive hurted. I was really devastated and depressed until now i can say im still in the process of healing, gettin over and used with the situation. I love him and i do believe that he loves me as well. But due to “culture and religious” thing our relationship now is wiggling. Yeah, its true im still in relationship with him i tried to broke up with him before right after the marriage coz i know itz wrong i even changed my number. But then our feelings are makin ways for us to get back together all the time. Right now were miles away from each other, eversince were maintaining a long distance relationship but we managed to maintain our relationship for almost a year now. The last time we met was last november 2008. My problem now is he is with his wife now, but communication is still the same. The situation is hard for me, but then i cant just go away from him and he also. Hes planning to divorce his wife this year but still im not confident coz i know his family is important to him as well (im referring to his parents) as they were the one who arranged the marriage for him.
What am i goin to do? Everybodys askin me to leave him and find somebody whose better than him and that someone whose situation isnt complicated like him. Ive tried dating but then it didnt work. My mind and my heart is still on him.
Please help me with my situation. What are the things i need to do. Im confused. Do i really need to broke up with him or what?
@Jonathan - hi jonathan, i can say shes just not that into you. Theres no excuses in love. If u love the person always find a way to communicate no matter what. But if the person isnt really interested he or she will find some excuses.
Im sorry but u need to Forget her and move on, u dont deserve to be treated like that..
I really related to this article. I am in a stage right now that I am depressed and frustrated about our long distance relationship. It’s as if I am the only one who is striving to make this work. It started great and seems like a dream but now my BF is changing and communication is lesser. He keeps on saying he loves me and he wants to be with me but then he never calls when he promised that he will or he does not call me when he knows that I am expecting his call. These changes became so sudden, we never had a fight and I can’t see any reason why this may happen. I am really puzzled because if he does not want this relationship anymore, he can simply end it right? Instead of letting me bug him. We just celebrated our anniversary this month and I am afraid that we can’t make this happen if we we’ll not see each other soon. We were acquaintances when we were in high school then his family migrated to another country after his graduation in high school. Since then we haven’t seen each other in person. We just had our communication back last 2007. Any thoughts?
Hi Eddie, I need some help. I am in a long distance relationship my girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. and it is getting harder and harder everyday, I have never been in a long distance relationship before and my girlfriend has and I am finding it hard to trust her, because she went to a party one night and got drunk and cheated on me, she told me that she would have never done that if she wasnt drunk. and now it seems like everytime she tells me where she is going it seems like she is lying to me. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone before and that is why I took her back that and because she was drunk. but now all we are doing is fighting over the phone. See all I want is time with her but she wants less time with me, she only calls me when she wants to, and she wants me to do everything she ask of me but as soon as I ask something of her we get in a fight over it.I really need some help I dont know what to do anymore there for awhile we were perfect until she decided to go and do whatever she wants whenever she wants.
Hi Eddy,
Im having some problems with a relationship with my bf. We’re not that far apart, but i feel like me and him are. He doesnt call me at all, and i have to call him. When I do call him, he’s busy and he said he’ll call back later, but he didnt :\ I try to understand that he’s busy, but i cant stand but miss him. He gives me the weird face icon when i talk to him by email. I miss him a lot but me and him barely talk. But he’s very sweet and he means a lot to me. I dont want this relationship to end…
hi,
im 18yrs old and i met this guy at a confrence, where students are selected from the states to meet up or whatever. And as soon as i saw him i was dying too meet him… but the thing was, i was shy. it was crazy because im never shy around guys. so the whole trip i did not speak or anything with him but only like once. finally when it was almost time to leave and i wrote my name/number on a piece of paper with the intention of giving it to him. he then came up to me and gave me his number first before i even mentioned it to him! i was so happy, but at the same time like damn… because i wasted all my time acting shy. WELL ANYWAYS, we’ve been talking/emailing/sending pics back and forth for about 8months now and i really really like him, but i dont call as much as i used too because we talk about the same stuff. now he feels i dont like him that much and thinks im talking to other people but i am not. i cant stop thinking about him and i dont kno how to tell him how i feel without sounding so obsessed or messing up what we have…
hi I am Jury i wanna share my story now..i have bf in overseas we r long distance and he 23 yrs older than me and i am only 2o yrs old but its not bothering to us..He is my bf for almost year and we only meet once but there will be second meet soon i hope..We always talk in skype everynight but there r time he is late and there r time he cant get on coz of very slow internet..But one day he tryed to ask me a (joke)question..”What if i have other gf?What u going to do?”And keeps bother in my mind.And i am a jealous woman..Now,what i need to do to erase that question in my mind.?I asked many of my friends about that and all theres answer r mostly bad feelings..I also want to know how to last our relationship..?thank u and more power
Hi, my name is Alyssa, I know this will seem awkward but im nearly 17 and in a long distance relationship. First and foremost, please over look my age, this is something that just causes other older people to cringe at the idea of a 16year old girl in my situation. I am a very responsible girl, good good on my shoulders. Only problem is, my boyfriend of a year lives in Canada and i live in Indiana. I was surfing the web today, trying to find something to cheer me up and i stumbled onto this article. Anywho its hard, worrying and such. Our relationship is weird.. This article really helped me so much, because he will arrive here soon about a month and a half, yet it feels so hard to wait. I think ive tried to push him away even
We argue a bunch, and ive neglected him, so i broguht it to his attention and i have been putting forth a big effort. I love this silly boy so much 
Hes sent me two letters and a gold ring that is permanently on my finger. I dont know. I guess i just need someone to talk to who can just listen. Im so new to this and being so young doesnt help, but i dont listen when they say im too young for love. There is no age , only those two hearts involved. This boy is giving up so much to come here. Hes going to summer school so he can be 100% don with school, we talk EVERY night, theres countless poems, hes defended me to his horrible father, his mom adores me, he stopped drugs and drinking and fighting, and he makes me more happy than ive ever been. Its just hard, waiting :’)
@Jury -
hey Jury…me and my boyfreind are overseas as well…and I must say it is a difficult task to deal with…my boyfriend is 23 as well…and im younger than him by 4 years…but i dont care…anways …age dont matter…but other than that…my boyfreinds said that to me once…and all i tell him is…”if you choose to hurt me in that way…then that is your choice…and i wont forgive you, but know that im ilove and will be forever in love with you…and if you do something like that…you can forget me…now” he kinda realized that it shouldnt be something said..im super sensitive…but dont be afraid to tell him what you feel as i did…he doesnt joke like that anymore…its not harmfull…and sometimes when he doesnt talk to me..i think maybe he has another girl…but i know that if our love is that strong…then..that wont happen…just trust hiim!!!. and TELL him you trust him…he’s a guy and he NEEDS to know that! the next time you see him…tell him you love and dont forget to show him you love him in any way…it works!!! =]]]
GOODLUCKKKKK with your love relationship/long distance…its hard i know…but it so worth it in the end…thats what i keep in mind…”distance lets the heart grow fonder!”
=]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
i see it alot of girls on here lol …anyway im 17 almost 18 will be in 4months and im in a long distance relationship with my gf of 8 months we fight alot kinda which i think its a trust issue but i figure out a way to always work it out with her she makes me feel good and is always here for me and her family seems cool with interracial dating im black and she’s white im not into black girls for many reasons but yea back to the story sometime i push the issue to trust her but she tells me she tells me everything and im open and honest with her there isnt anything she doesnt kno about me …we talk all day everyday and all night even if its the same stuff and i nvere leave out tellin her exactly how i feel about her…but like in all long distance relationships its hard to wait and really trust trust that person and if i can help anyone in wat i just wrote dude fight it out in the end it may be tottally worth it …cause with me and my gf at the end of the day she’s the only one for me hands down i love her and im not going to blame nor punish her cause i dated girls that messed up on me i love her to death and ima be there for her no matter wat ima good guy and she deserves the best for any guy that has ever hurt u ladies im sorry on thier be half u all r beautiful and unique in your own ways dont change and be strong guys cant live without girls =) …ALWAYS REMEMBER STAY STRONG AND STICK IT OUT ….LATER
I am in a long distance relationshp with my high school sweetheart whom I’ve been with for 8 years. As I read your article its has given me some good tips on how to keep things going. I am so in love with my boyfriend that I am also optimistic about long distance relationships. Although our distance is very far apart, I am on the other side of the world, he has been so loving and kind to come visit me twice already and plans to come once again. To all you couples in long distance relationships, always keep faith and be strong because in time we will be with our loves for the long run. To Eddie, thank you for writing a great article I especially agree with the hand written notes. It’s so much more personal and thoughtful to get once in a while.
My name is Stav and im 16 years old.My story began in march,2009. I went to my school exchange trip,for a week.Everything was great fun there and i really enjoyed it.We all had an exchange partner,lads were with lads and girls with girls.So one of my classmates (her name is Katie) exchange partner was very nice girl(Lisa).I put my eye on her from the beggining.I found out a lot about her from her friends,that she is very nice person.Then i found few steps to talk to her.On this steps during the week i fell in love with her..I couldnt expect that this will happen so fast.But we had only week for this all.I was so sad leaving the country,just because i wanted to see her everytime.On my last day we gave each other our contacts and still communicating,using programm msn.Unfortionatly we both are busy with different activities so we dont get much time to stay online,so normaly we send each other offline messeges. My friends say that im just wasting my time,her friends say im doing right thing,only few said that long dist. rel. never work..But I love her so much ,so i will never give up,because she is the first person i have such a feeling to.Before i just liked,but now its smth new…Shortly after i came back home ,i found out ,that Katie likes me(but i was never interested in her or ever will).im now warried about this thing,that Lisa and Katie are still communicating to keep their friendship untill the next visit of those to who we went in March.In school Ive noticed strange behaving from Katie to me,and now im sure there is smth going on between them two.Im afraid that Katie could do smthing bad, because Katie already knows Lisa loves me and i love her.What should I do?
Another thing i got news from Lisas friend,that some guy was asking her to meet him ,but she said no..and that there were few other lads,who tried the same,and she did the same with them.Lisa will come to my country in October,for her exchange trip.
Im looking for big help with this reletionship,from those who had some experience.I know some older people could think i am silly,but i really love Lisa and nothing can stop me from it.
ene wow i have the same problem when i read what u wrote i was like omg this is what i always complain to my friends about. Its like they say I LOVE U but no calls or email make it all a lie they give false promise and never back up their lies. im so confused to
Hi I am in a long distance relation and he says that he would like to have a physical oral sex with someone because he needs a touch of a woman and that I should let him but when it comes to me its a no! no!. We have cyber but these days he does not suggest and want me to ask for it and I am not because I feel if he can notice his urge and want to have fun sessions why can he not realise my needs…. please let me see thru this - I seem a little confused and a little insecured.
@RRRosh - oh my god. i am very sorry about your boyfreind. that is horrible and absolutley disrespectful from his part!!!! how long have you been with him? becasue i can see that if he was commited to a long distance relationshipa at the begg. then this is something he should have thought about WAYYYY before. i understand he may have an urge, but he needs to control it even as hard as it is. you deserve someone MUCHHHHHHH better than this guy. tell him either that he needs to decide what he REALLY wants. love or sex. but i am very soory. you need to think abut what you want as welll. just good luckkkk. !!! and take care. dont let him do that to you.