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Nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so? What are the common reasons to break up in those long distance relationships and how can you make them work?
To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.
The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.
So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.
Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.
Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:
- You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
- You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
- At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.
Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.
In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing. At least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.
Then again that makes the meetings so much more intense then they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.
Long distance relationships can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.
Of course, there is also a very important condition without an long distant relationship can not work:
You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.
Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:
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139 responses so far ↓
1 Lulu // Mar 28, 2007 at 3:33 pm
The rules seem to be great and applicable, the problem is that my long distance relationship is unable us to meet even once a month as we are from different countries.
Looking forward to your other articles. Have a nice day.
Lulu
2 Eddie // Mar 29, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Hi Lulu,
if it’s impossible for you to meet regularly, than it is even more vital that you communicate a lot.
A couple I worked with have not seen each other for nearly 8 months, and they managed it somehow. The key was a deep emotional connection, trust and frequent communication. And, of course, a strong belief in being together finally one day.
Don’t give up and you will succeed!
All the best for you both,
Eddie
3 Sy // Apr 2, 2007 at 5:48 pm
My girlfriend & I are starting to have trouble with long distance because she is believing others that long distance does not work. And I am starting to become the “green eyed monster” and loosing trust because of her faith that it can work. We had done so well for over a year, because she thought she could come to be with me. Now, it will be a few years instead. She is not calling me as often anymore, which started this jealousy. She is believing everyone around her that it will not work. Our conversation is suffering only because she does not put effort into our communication. She also gets mad at me for being upset because she has changed her calling routine, which was constant until she was not coming. However, she still says she misses me and enjoys hearing me tell her how much I love her. But I don’t know how to earn have faith that it can work. And that I do want to grow old with her. I am basically afraid of loosing her, or not knowing that I already have. And my fear whichl led to anger is perhaps convincing her that it cannot work? I am sure that the solution is obvious to another else, but I could use some advice. I do want to marry her and a few years apart means nothing to me, it is her fear of a few years apart that does. Thank you.
4 Eddie // Apr 4, 2007 at 9:23 am
Hi Sy,
I’m with you here.
Of course, I don’t have the details, but it seems to me, that the time is ripe for you both to have an emergency meeting. To re-establish trust and to put things straight again, to have an honest conversation. Don’t be afraid to ask her where your relationship is going, where she sees you both in, let’s say, one year. And don’t be afraid of the answer. Honesty is vital here.
Make a realistic plan for the future.
I see that she means everything to you, so why not doing what is necessary to be together.
All the best for you both,
Eddie
5 Kuro // Apr 11, 2007 at 7:42 am
Hi. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years now and she’s had to move from the States to Asia. We won’t be able to see each other for quite some time, 3-5 years possibly (finish snr. year of HS, get BA/BS w/o summer breaks, etc). We might also have limited communication, due mostly to the 15hr time difference (there’s still email, though), but also, she may have limited access to her email and such.
What are your thoughts? How can we ensure that our relationship stays strong while we wait out our years apart before finally moving to the same place, as we’ve planned to?
6 Iason // Apr 12, 2007 at 3:08 am
hey
I just came back from visiting my girlfriend for 6 days. she lives 900km’s away. we are both 15 years old.
I have been really depressed and upset since i came home and i have been crying a lot. I miss her so much and it feels like my heart’s breaking into pieces because i cant be with her.
is there any advice on how to deal with the sad f eelings after returning from a visit?
Thank you lots
7 chathurika // Apr 13, 2007 at 7:08 am
wow, thanks for re-assuring me =]
im going threough a long distance relationship….and this really helps…alot =]
8 chathurika // Apr 13, 2007 at 7:10 am
but i miss him…he lives over 2000 miles away…and im going to college now (he will be a high school senior)..i have full faith that the relationship will definitly work…but it still doesnt take away the fact that i miss him =[
-aorry, i had to add that
9 Eddie // Apr 13, 2007 at 8:23 am
@ Kuro
Well, this is really a difficult situation, you must maintain the communication at all costs (ideally use a webcam). Also, use every free time to see each other.
Don’t give up, nothing is impossible, I’ve seen worse situations worked out!
@ Iason
First of all: congratulations for your happy relationship, enjoy it!
In your case I recommend writing “old fashioned” letters where you deeply express your feelings for her. Additionally use all electronic communication mentioned in the article.
Cheer up, 900 km are not that bad
.
All the best,
Eddie
10 Eddie // Apr 13, 2007 at 10:53 am
Hi chathurika,
I’m glad to hear that my article helped
.
Missing is good, faith even better.
The best for you both,
Eddie
11 Mmm // Apr 18, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Nice article for sure!
I liked reading it.
I live in NL and my girlfriend in the U.S. Ohio to be precise.
makes visiting her kinda difficult, because it’s pretty expensive!
And staying positive is something really hard to do indeed,
but I’m gonna go there in June, which is really not that long of a wait.
P.S. Some points of your article made me think, which is a good thing.
12 chathurika // Apr 18, 2007 at 7:42 pm
thanks eddie :)….yea, him and i always talk…on AIM or on the phone…and its suprising..cause we never seem to run out of stuff to talk aobut…im hoping that a very good thing
13 james // Apr 21, 2007 at 9:49 pm
hey, im 15 and im so in love with a girl from holland, she lives over 300 miles away as i live in manchester. We met in Greece on holiday last year, but it seems as though ive not seen her for such a long time. We stay in contact, via MSN. But i’d give anything to see her again i just want to know when i can again,
thanks, james
14 james // Apr 23, 2007 at 5:37 pm
in addition, i am also wondering how can i make it last between us because i don’t want her to go off with another person
15 Eddie // Apr 25, 2007 at 6:48 am
Hi James,
15 is a very difficult age. I remember. But I also remember that the feelings were as intense as there are today.
Try to maintain contact, make it a daily routine. Keep it alive.
Maybe you can persuade your parents meet again in Greece?
Your friend,
Eddie
16 Iason // Apr 25, 2007 at 12:23 pm
hey eddy, me again
Everytime my LD partner goes out to a party or somewhere similar, she usually gets hit on by guys or they try and feel her up or just put there arm around her. It really annoys me and i think it might be because im jealous (im not too sure) and i know the only reason i get jealous is because i cant physically be up there with her.. if i was up there, it wouldnt affect me as much. but when it does happen, it does affect me and i feel really down in the dumps and it hurts and i just keep on thinking about it, even if it is the littlest thing that has happend! and i usually start hurting because i keep on thinking about it and then i tell her and i think shes starting to get a bit annoyed about me not letting things go. I try really hard but i just keep on thinking about them.
Any advice on how to forget about what happens?? feel free to be harsh and tell me what you think.
17 Eddie // Apr 26, 2007 at 9:38 am
Hi Iason,
as I said earlier: 15 is a very difficult age. Try not to take things too seriously. There might be no reason for jealousy.
Just go on with the communication and have faith in you both.
And should it not work out, then you still have time to feel bad. See what I mean?
Try to make her miss you.
All the best,
Eddie
18 Danthe // Apr 26, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Well Eddie, You surely helped me a lot with that article of Yours. From a couple of days I am thinking about good and bad sides of LDR’s, but now I am sure that this really can work out pretty well and I should think in more positive way. I hope You don’t mind if I’ll write my story and ask You for a piece of advice:
I am (17 years old) in love with a girl (19 years old) I met while playing mmorpg game. I felt something even before our first meeting (3,5 weeks ago), but after that meeting it really… Kicked me. From the beggining of our relationship we had really good contact + we were always honest, so I decided to tell Her about what did I felt, and it turned out, that She felt pretty the same thing… So after two weeks we met again (last Sunday), and we talked pretty much about our thoughts, feelings and so on. At the moment She’s in an falling to pieces relationship with Her boyfriend, and She’ll decide what to do with Her boyfriend, family and “life” in general in June, after polish “matura”, which can be compared to exams before studies in USA.
Well, I’d like to be prepared for both posibilities (1 - LDR; 2 - nothing good), ’cause I’m pretty sure that… Hmm, it’s love. Both of us live in Poland, the distance is about 520 km. Theoretically we’d be able to see each other for about 13 hours (at one day) every 2 weeks (or at least every month). I can stay at my family, She will have to travel by night, and return by night at the same day. Of course we will talk using Skype, e-mails and something similar to Yahoo Messenger + SMS.
It won’t change sooner than in 2 years (I could propably study in Her city, or in city closer that I am at the moment) but it’s nothing certain - it depends on my grades. We will propably spend more time together on holidays and so on, but nothing more except them.
So, here’s my question: what do You think of this situation? Any hints? And please, be completely honest, it seems to me that You’re very inteligent and You know something about LDR’s.
Thanks again for Your article, it’s really helpful for people like me.
Kind regards from Poland,
Danthe.
19 Eddie // Apr 27, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Hi Danthe,
first of all let me thank you for your kind words. I am happy that my article helped you and gives you hope, that was my first intention.
As to your situation: I would go for it!
Although it seems a little complicated because she’s still in a relationship.
Don’t think about it theoretically, you can’t put that in rational thoughts and plan it all in advance. You have to try and to live it!
Remember: the saddest thing in the world is a missed opportunity for experiencing love!
Hope this helps, your friend
Eddie
20 Danthe // Apr 27, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Thanks for reply Eddie. Now I am 100% sure, that it’s worth trying, in fact I think that this will work out. Now I just have to wait, but thanks to You I am much more concious of my thoughts and feelings connected with LDR’s.
Thanks once again, I really apreciate it. Keep up the good work, Eddie!
21 JAL // May 4, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Hey Eddie,
Just wanted to say, great article
I’m 21, Just got back from a 3 month trip to the USA (I’m from Australia) to see my girlfriend ^_^ everything is going great for us, and we are working with basically everything you have wrote through this article 
and everything is going well for us ^^ I know we are kinda still in the working it all out with what our future holds, but i know we can do it 
Thankyou very much for the nice read
~ JAL
22 Eddie // May 6, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Hi JAL,
thank you very much, I’m glad I could help
.
I’m psyched for you that your LDR is going well and all best wishes for you both for the future.
Eddie
23 Becca // May 6, 2007 at 6:26 pm
hey,
so my boyfriend lives in minnesota and i live in pennsylvania. we’re both 15, but i dont think age matters that much, even though we are young. we met in the summer, and then saw each other again in december. but i havent seen him since .. i wont untill july. we used to be really close, calling each other all the time. and online and everything. But i think hes realized that we live so far, and never get to see each other. i want to fly out to see him as a suprise for his 16th birthday, but only if we’re still close. What im getting at is, i think he is finding that distance is really hard, even though we lover each other alot. I dont know what to do, but I see him in 2 months. Do you think theres any hope of us being together in the future? All my friends say distance relationships dont work, but I know of many that do. And they say we’re too young to be serious too, but my aunt and uncle met in 8th grade, and are still together with 3 kids! so, it really can work if we try hard enough, right?
24 Eddie // May 9, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Hi Becca,
of course it can work. Anything is possible. Always. It only depends on your situation and motivation.
But you’ll never know until you TRY.
I know it’s difficult with 15, but it’s a time of making experiences, so make them.
Just talk to your parents before, I’m sure you can work something out together!
Take care,
your friend,
Eddie
25 Brandi Fonteneau // May 11, 2007 at 3:03 am
Hi,
I met this guy on a group and he lives in another country (Canada) we started talking and dating about two 1/2 months ago. Going on three I’m engaged to him. He purposed to me when he came down here about a two weeks ago. But ever since he left I have lonely and depressed for his love I wish sometimes that next September would hurry up so I can leave. I would leave but my sister wants me to stay until September and babysit her daughter other wise I would have been gone a long time ago. I how do I make until September without wanting to jump on a plane and go and be with him now.
Sign,
Brandi
26 Mike // May 16, 2007 at 7:51 am
Your article is amazing I only wish I could’ve seen it a year ago, I was in a long distance relationship and it was the happiest I had been in a long time but unfortunately it ended and I’ve never found that joy since.
27 Erick // May 23, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Hi, I’ve 6 month LD and in past 1 month my girl is working in such company that really make her abandon me…we’re in love for 2 years 6 month and at this point she has changed a lot, which I believe because her new environment…will my relationship ended? T.T I’ve send email, sms, photograph almost every day…but each time we go on chat something must be happened, either fight or debate…what will u suggest?
28 Erick // May 24, 2007 at 8:22 am
in addition in those 2 years an 6 month time, we always meet each other everyday…we’re not boring with this condition…it’s already like a daily consumption…but now I’m thinking this could be the x factor
29 piglet // May 24, 2007 at 5:55 pm
So I just spent the past week with my long-distance boyfriend though he’s not even my “boyfriend”. We are beyond in love with each other, in fact, so much so that we know we would love to be together for the long haul. But until I actually move there we’ve decided to stay away from titles like boyfriend and girlfriend. However, since I still live across the country it’s been hard these past 6 months. We’ve tried to see each other about once every 6 weeks over this time and we have our ups and downs. Lately he’s been so depressed from his life cause he’s had a series of let downs and I don’t know how to cheer him up from so far away. I know he’s holding back with me a lot lately because he’s scared of getting hurt and scared because I’m so far away. I, too, had a series of rejections from the Universities I’d applied to for my graduate degree so I could be near him…though I just recently had an interview with one while I was visiting so I’m keeping my fingers crossed big time. What can you suggest I do to cheer him up? I’m really concerned for his happiness and it’s hard from so far away to assure him that I’m always thinking of him…so what can I do? Please help!
30 Eddie // May 31, 2007 at 8:56 am
Hi piglet,
I don’t know how far away you are from each other, but it definitely sounds to me like there is an urgent need for an emergency meeting. This would cheer him up and also give him hope and strength for the tasks to come.
Additionally I would recommend that you both officially take the title of “boyfriend/girlfriend”. This has a positive psychological effect and also means that you have decided to stay together despite the fact that you are far away from each other. Why not taking advantage of a relationship in terms of caring and being there for each other in difficult times, since your are apparently in love.
All the best, your friend
Eddie
31 Eddie // May 31, 2007 at 10:20 am
Hi Erick,
I need some more details, please write me an email and I will send you some advice.
Take care,
Eddie
32 Erick // May 31, 2007 at 10:27 am
Hi, I’ve send you the email ^^
33 Danny // Jun 6, 2007 at 5:00 am
Hi,
I Have a gf from Australia and I live in the USA, we have been together for about 3 months. We both feel a stong connection with each other and want to be with each other very badly. We both trust each other and I will be going there in about 9 months or so. We talk everyday usually and communicte alot, I also so write her emails all the time. I Know in my heart and soul I will be with her in the end and she feels the same. And we love each other very much as well. I know alot of ppl say you cant love someone you have never met, but I dont think that is the case And we have a plan to be together as I see it like you said that is a must. I have faith in our relationship but it is hard at times because i miss her very much! But you have to make sacrifices in a long distance relationship. Any advice would be very helpful.
Thanks,
Danny
34 Beverly // Jun 6, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Hi Eddie, i met a guy 3 years ago in Greece and we have been in contact ever since via sms but have both carried out our lives and we are not in a relationship so to speak.
But im returning to see him in a week times and the feelings recently for gim have become really strong and we are very honest we each other. Im nervous about seeing him as its been 3 years! I think i may have fallen for him already and i would be prepared to move to greece and learn the language to be with him, as i dont want to live in the U.K once my degree is finshed in a years time, but ive made palns with friends to travel and feel that if i chose love i would be letting my friend down.
Do u think people from different cultures can be together even though there is a langauge barrier?(even though his english is excellent) Im worried that im going to go out there and have nothing to say to him, or that its going to be awakard! even though we speak for hours on yahoo messenger!I get silly around people i like and cant be myself, any tips??
Thanks alot.
35 Eddie // Jun 8, 2007 at 8:33 am
@ Danny
It’s definitely possible to love somebody you have never met. I see it all the time and, as I have written before, it also happened to me.
Missing is good, just keep the flame alive until you meet again.
All the best,
Eddie
36 Eddie // Jun 8, 2007 at 8:49 am
@ Beverly
This sounds really good
.
I would advice you to care more for your emotional wellbeing rather than for your friends, they’ll understand. Always choose love.
And yes, definitely a “yes” for mixed culture relationships. Worry not. You are only getting cold feet… everything will be fine, you’ll see!
Keep us updated!
All the best,
Eddie
37 Beverly // Jun 8, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Thanks for your advice Eddie- its good to find out an outsiders objective and from someone who knows what there talking about!!
Will let you know how it goes!!
Beverly
38 chathurika // Jun 8, 2007 at 6:49 pm
hi!
well, our 6 month anniversary is coming up. And so i was wondering if you have any “romantic” ideas. I was thinking about making him a hand made shirt, cause i havent ever seen anyone do that (originality) plus, i like to be creative. Any more suggestions please?….he really means alot to me and we have definitly gotten over the whole distance factor.
39 Andrew // Jun 10, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Six months ago, I was online one day in a chat room and my future boyfriend messaged me. We exchanged IM addresses and talked on the phone. I live in Toronto and he was in West Virginia at College. I flew down to meet him and after that week, decided that a relationship would be worth trying. We’ve seen each other for a week at a time almost each month. I was also introduced to his parents and I’ve stayed at their house in Ohio twice. So I know it’s serious. For the entire month of May to about four days ago he’s come to stay with me in Toronto. But we had a fight because he is leaving to teach English in Japan for year and I gave him the option of staying or leaving. I came home from work and he left me a letter stating he had decided to leave because he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. I was crushed, but later that night he called me as soon as he got back to Ohio and told me that he made a mistake and he started to cry. We are planning to be together through the year he’s in Japan. Our plan is that he moves back to Toronto after that period. My two concerns is that I will not be strong enough to go through a year without him (I will visit him once). The other concern is that he decides to stay in Japan if his contract is renewed.
40 Jami // Jun 10, 2007 at 10:46 pm
Thank you for this advice. I am only just starting a LDR. And it’s so hard not being able to hug, kiss and hold the one whom I love so dearly. I didn’t get to see him before I moved. So it’s really tough. I’m living in NC with 2 years left in high school. and he’s heading up to Orlando for college. He has so many female friends and it’s so difficult lol cause I become insecure of myself when I discover these beautiful girls talking to my boyfriend. It’s like my god, she’s so pretty she’s so perfect and I’m not. I know he thinks she’s pretty he might like her or whatever. And then when he’ll ask me randomly take a picture of yourself and he’ll tell me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world it means alot and I feel better. To me he’s like Mr. Popular, he knows so many people (he’s well known for his art, he did a portrait of me.) and is always being invited to go to the mall or out to eat the movies or whatever with friends and it drives me bonkers not being there with him. I trust him, we’ve been through so much that we’re on such a high level of trust it’s crazy lol. But, it’s only normal to become insecure. He is afterall my first boyfriend so I, especially become very insecure and paranoid cause I don’t want to lose him. He’ll be driving in to come visit when he can. I’m so looking forward to it. My mom’s been very supportive. She’s buying me a webcam lol can’t wait. It’s tough with my dad. He’s against me dating (he doesn’t really know of the relationship). And I’m always thinking, this just might be one of those high school sweetheart stories met in highschool, stayed together and got married. I believe in it and my boyfriend believes that we’ll be able to make it through these next two years being seperated. And it hasn’t even been a month yet, things have only just begun, we’ll have to wait and see what the future brings.
41 papa ninjinho // Jun 13, 2007 at 10:50 am
Hi Eddie,
First off wanted to say thanks for the inspirational words…truly took a weight off my heart…
im in a long distance relationship (my third so far…)
the long distance portion has been going on since January the 11th 2007, so almost 6 months now…we were together for about 5 months before during which time we fell in love with each other and even made some brief plans to have children after getting married etc…before eye left she told me that if eye wanted to keep things going with her eye would have to get her a ring…so on the 5th of january we became engaged…
on july the 31st we will celebrate our first anniversary…if all goes well eye will be going over to Ireland (where we met) on august the 15th for about 3 weeks…
now the problem im facing is not one of lack of faith or hope or trust…its more to do with how we are together…
for the first month we were apart we had a great level of communication and contact going on, we would text and talk and so on…
then this started getting less and less…nowadays eye have to be content with 3 to 4 texts a week and if im lucky a 2o minute phone-call…
eye had raised this issue with her from the third month (yes eye waited 2 months or so just to see if that was how she was or if she had some other things to worry about)…
at first she always made promises that soon eye would be bored of her calling me so much…however this was not to be…she made the promise and didnt do anything about putting it into effect…which got to be her usual way of doing things…
after reminding her a number of times of her promise she started to feel bad and said that eye was asking too much of her…and that she was literally too busy too communicate more than at the time…
eye felt that this was somewhat of an excuse offered for some other reason that she wasnt telling (turned out she has difficulty trusting anyone after her last relationship, when the person she was with let her down when she needed him the most)…
so this lead to a bit of bad feeling on my part as eye felt that she was ignoring my needs in the relationship…and that she wasnt being open with me when she really should be;
having said that she loved me and that she was ready to be my wife and the mother of our children…im 28 and she is 31…
needless to say we had a few arguments…the funny thing was that through all of this ill feeling we were both quite clear that we still wanted to be with each other and that our love has what it takes to get through this time…
eye am in pakistan at the moment and had to move back for career reasons…before eye left eye asked her to promise to come see me in pakistan within a year and we would take it from there…
she was supposed to come see me but because of some situation in her life (she wont tell me more that that) she cant…and thats ok (for now) because eye am more than willing to go see her…
but the frustrating thing is that she just wont talk about us in terms of future plans, or where we could be headed or where we are emotionally…particularly in terms of her emotional state and what she is thinking…
she just says that she has faith and will let the world decide…which for me is tantamount to saying whatever happens happens eye cant be bothered to make a personal effort to get what she really wants…
she admits to all these things and says that eye am right when eye bring them up…but just doesnt make an effort to try and change anything with us…
one day she told me that she had gotten used to living without me and that eye was the one who had made the decision to leave her and must pay the consequences for that…
all eye could do was reassure her that maybe she couldnt trust me now but that eye was willing to wait around till she could…or at least give it my best shot…eye am a patient fella but only human after all…like everyone else eye have my limits…
we made so many plans of how we were going to be with each other and how we would cope with being so far apart…and none of these have come to any sort of fruition…they remain plans and nothing is done about them…
and that is my story so far…
we had another argument a few days ago where eye quite angrily reiterated all my feelings about being ignored and lonely to her and said that if she really loved me she would at least be able to spare a couple of minutes to at least text me or devote this time to us…and finally she said that if eye really did need this then she would try…
but our good ship relation feels a bit empty to me now…eye love her so and wouldn’t be with anyone else for everything in the world…but she makes it harder for me to stay close to her…and thats all eye want from her; to feel as close as we used to do before…
eye mean its not too much to ask is it?
42 stephberry // Jun 13, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Hello. Im met my boyfriend on the internet this game online comunity called Second Life We have been together for about 7 months we have not met yet. we have spent pretty much everyday talking on skype and playing on second life. We fell in love with each other and have talked about really being together. He loves me and I love him very much and cant see our lives without each other. Im 24 years living in CA and currently in the process of getting a divorce i have been seperated for awhile now. I currently do not have a job but will in a few weeks or so. I moved back in with my mom for the time being. My boyfriend is 20 lives in Ohio he still lives with his parents and has no job. Recently his father took away his internet because he was spending to much time on it and his father felt that he could spend his time finding a job. Which is correct and he does need to do that. My boyfriend asked me if i could be willing to wait for him. Of course i said yes I would because i feel in my heart that we are soulmates and i would do anything for him. The problem im having is there is not a whole lot communication . He does email every now and then and we still try to get on skype when we both can. When we do talk he tells me about how he goes out with his friends and thats perfectly fine just most of his friends are girls. That makes me nervous because we dont comunicate often and when we do i want reassurance from him that im his only one. But i feel that really he is becoming annoyed with my doubt and constantly asking for reassurance. He feels like i should be able by now to reassure myself and that right now he cant really be there for me because of his current situation. I dont know im confused by things. I want to know how I can stay positive about our relationship with out the constant reassurance from him because he cant always give it to me.
43 Eddie // Jun 14, 2007 at 8:15 am
@ chathurika
I have the ultimate romantic gift idea for you: Name A Star
@ Andrew
I wouldn’t worry about the future. Fear prevents us from acting. You have a plan? Stick to it, but be flexible, maybe a better idea will come up (moving to japan)… who knows.
Decide that you want to be together, then act to make it happen!
@ Jami
I’m glad to hear that you’re happy. Of course it can work out, “high school sweetheart stories” happen every day!
I advice you to let your dad into the secret though, it will get much easier then.
@ papa ninjinho
I understand.
In my experience people react very differently when separated in a LDR. Some cling to the partner, some take a step back. The step back is very often some sort of self defense. So her behavior could be insecurity.
After all you two are engaged. This is a strong promise. I wouldn’t worry to much (worrying never helps). Fly over as soon as you can and clarify things.
@ stephberry
The answer to your question is easy: it’s difficult to develop a positive attitude before you two have met for the first time. He can make you a million reassurances, it would be hard to believe before you know him for real.
Go meet each other. This is a very vital step. You two are ripe for that.
After meeting you two can then decide what to do, have a relationship plan, and start to trust each other.
All the best for all the couples, your friend,
Eddie
44 papa ninjinho // Jun 14, 2007 at 9:34 am
Hi Eddie,
Thanks for that…very much appreciated…
It is insecurity from her side…but what eye dont understand is how she can admit to it and then promise to do something about it and then do nothing at all…its been six months now and things havent gotten any better…in fact they have gotten worse…
The only time we talk about these things is when eye raise the issue and it always turns into some kind of argument…which as you can well imagine is not a good way to go about things…
meet me halfway you know…?
sometimes it seems like she’s testing or punishing me…one time she said that she couldnt believe that eye was still with her…
and so it just gets harder and harder for me to maintain even my positive state of mind while she continues to slip slowly away…
and you’ve hit upon my problem in that eye worry sometimes…when this happens all eye really need is for her to say its ok…and she cant do even that…which for me doesn’t bode well for any future plans for us…
so my decision for the moment is that if this is how she is in the ldr thats ok…its bearable to me…eye can bear the pain if it means we will be together and eye know her again as the person that she was before eye left ireland…
but if this is her true self and she shows me this when we are together (by not talking about these issues or by staying cold and distant) and acts the same as she is right now, then eye know that she wont be the one to be my wife, simply because she cant provide me what eye need in a relationship…and that would be it for our engagement and indeed eye know that eye would never see her again…
but eye hope that isn’t the case with all my heart…
but back to a suggestion of yours how can eye help her to see that we do need to have some kind of plan in effect and that we do need to talk about these things and that by not talking about them essentially we are not putting in the effort that this relationship requires…for whatever reason…
eye grew up with the idea that love was inherent in what somebody does and not in what they say…and according to that belief she doesnt really care enough to make the effort…
any further ideas?
mucho gracias once again senor…
Papa Ninjinho.
45 Eddie // Jun 16, 2007 at 9:24 am
@ Papa Ninjinho
Please check your email!
46 Papa Ninjinho // Jun 17, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Hi Eddie,
Haven’t receive anything yet…
Can you possibly send again to
ningaridym(at)campus(dot)ie…?
Peace…
@ Papa Ninjinho
Sent again!
Eddie
47 Jami // Jun 18, 2007 at 1:32 am
Hey there Eddie!
Thank you for your response ^_^ it sure did brighten up my day and, yeah I do plan to tell dad soon. Perhaps after my birthday when I turn 16. It’d make everything for him and I much easier. Rather than having to be sneaky. Thanks again!
48 Marie // Jun 18, 2007 at 5:24 am
Hello Eddie!
I was here reading a lot of the comments and I read your article. You know…, this at least helps me feel like I’m not the only one out there in this type of relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two months. Although the relationship is new, our love for each other definitely isn’t. It’s a long story but we are finally together! Although we live in separate contries. Luckily for us though, we live on the same continent.
However, right now we’re not able to see each other. About a month and a couple of weeks ago we finally met in person and I felt that this was finally the person I’ve always wanted to be with! I am young and so is he (I’m 16 and he is 18) yet… we are so sure that we want our future together.
Some people are negative about our relationship like some friends and co-workers though my whole family loves him and so do my closest friends. He has met my family but I have still to meet his. Our plan right now is to wait two more years for each other. Our next meeting will be in one more year. I will go to where he lives and after that it’s another year until I see him. That year, I will stay there.
Your article made me see that we’re doing the right things for our relationship so I am glad.
We have very constant communication, we have unconditional trust and resolve each of our problems talking it through. Although we don’t have many. We are also very VERY open to each other about our feelings…
I truly want my future with him. As does he with me.
Eddie, do you have any suggestions so I can possibly better my relationship?
Thanks in advance!
-Marie
49 Erick // Jun 19, 2007 at 11:55 am
eddie, regarding the email you’ve sent me….It really help me a lot in setting up my mind set into positive…
Well, I’ll try to live with the changes that happen due my leave. Furthermore, I’ll contact you for